Last Tuesday
at 4:30am we gathered, by what can only be attributed to the Svengali-like
power of Mark O., to ride as many hard miles (65-70) as possible before
work. For those who had extra time, this
would include ascending Emigration Canyon, east of the University of Utah.
Four of us
departed along the Legacy Parkway bike trail: Mark O., Derrick W., Dave B.
(myself), and Colt F. from America First CU Racing. No more than twenty minutes in, while Mark
was pushing the pace in front, he noticed something on the side of the
path. As the pre-dawn brain cells
attempted to identify the object, and just as Mark considered the idea of
slowing down, a large (and surprisingly swift) raccoon darted across the trail
and in front of Mark’s tire.
Like the
R.O.U.S. (Rodents of Unusual Size) attack in “The Princess Bride”, Mark was
unceremoniously knocked to the ground, while peril ensued. Amid the chaos, I either heard or said an expletive. Somehow the rest of us were able to brake,
weave or skid past the pile of man and machine.
The first
order of business was to inspect Mark.
With the use of our headlights, it was clear he had some serious road
rash and bruising on his hip and forearm, yet the team kit remained remarkably
intact (Go TEXmarketUSA!).* Fortunately, his full-finger gloves took the brunt
of what would have been some major lacerations to the back of his hand.
The next
order of business was to tend to the Zanconato.
Maybe we should have done this first.
Anyway, aside from a scraped up saddle and bar tape, and a tiny tweak of
the derailleur, the steed was in great shape (Go Zank!).
Once Mark
collected himself, we were riding again.
After just one rotation of the paceline, Mark was back up front, pushing
a big gear as usual. When we reached
Emigration Canyon, Mark faced it like Inigo Montoya vs. the six-fingered man
(Go Mark!).
And thus the
pronouncement: “Raccoons make lousy speed-bumps!” Indeed they do.
*It should
be noted I believe this retelling is in compliance with Rule #81, since after
the ride Mark went to InstaCare to have his wounds scrubbed and treated. Also, no selfies of the injuries will be posted;
otherwise, Mark may be accused of being a Congressman. I’ve seen the pictures - definitely not safe
for work.
Ride on,
Dave
